A review of The Substance: 141 minutes of hiding behind my hands
Buying a ticket to see The Substance gave me the same sense of dread I felt when I begrudgingly agreed to watch The Human Centipede when I was fifteen, I knew that this was a horror movie that was going to stick, likely for worse. It’s been 24 hours since I saw it, and I was compelled to take this review outside of Letterboxd, so clearly, it stuck. It’s terrifying, disgusting, relatable, traumatic, and fun all at the same time; everything you could possible want out of a horror movie.
Going into the movie I had a faint sense of what to expect. I’d seen the promo posters and the images of Demi Moore’s sewn up spine. So it wasn’t really a surprise when Margaret Qualley busted out of Demi Moore’s back for her character’s first appearance. Here’s a short premise with some spoilers:
Elizabeth (Demi Moore) loses her job hosting her celebrity workout class. It’s her birthday, she’s been fired by her cartoonishly evil boss Harvey (Dennis Quad), and she gets in a car crash (she’s fine). She’s having the worst day ever and it’s only going to get worse. She’s given the number for THE SUBSTANCE at the hospital after the crash; where she’s told discreetly that she’d be a good candidate. Long story short — she calls, and Sue (Margaret Qualley) is born.
The message of the movie is obvious but impactful, in that it hammers it right into your skull, after seeing one activation injection after another and the absolute brutalization of Elizabeth, who is reminded as she becomes increasingly decrepit and outshined by Sue that her life still matters without her youth. It’s unsurprising that the director and writer, Coralie Fargeat, wrote this based on her own experience as a woman in Hollywood over the age of 40.
Right when you think things will turn around for Elizabeth, she catches a glimpse of her face and then Sue’s on the billboard outside her apartment. Demi Moore is obviously beautiful, which makes it all the more impactful when she goes back to the bathroom over and over again to look in the mirror, add foundation, put on a scarf, take off a scarf, and then scrub lipstick so violently off her face that I actually had to cover my eyes because I thought she’d rip her skin off.
more spoilers ahead
I loved the contrast of this scene with the birth of Monstro Elisasue, who is a horrifying amalgamation of randomly placed hair, eyes, faces, teeth. Monstro Elisasue puts on Sue’s New Year’s Eve Dress and diamond earrings, and doesn’t give up after burning off a piece of her hair with the curling iron. She’s so disgusting and disturbing, but endearing with her determination to put on a pretty dress, look cute, and go OUT!
Monstro Elisasue should’ve stayed home though, and I’ll leave it at that. She shrivels up and dies on Elizabeth Sparkle’s star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, looking up at the palm trees with sparkles falling, ending the movie as a puddle of blood to parallel where where it all begins.
Would I watch it again? No, once was enough.
Stars: Five
Movies that have similar themes (imo):
Fresh
Barbie
Have fun and don’t barf!
xoxo Katie
